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Horses In Real Life

by Francis Vace

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1.
I’m living with a horse and it ain’t easy, She leaves hoofprints in the hall and she hogs the tv, It wouldn’t be so bad if she wasn’t living here for free. Yeah cause, the rent’s in dollars and she’s got bits, She tried to get a job but she already quit, They only had human clothes and filly they don’t fit. So she spends her days laying on the sofa, Which can be a pain when there’s people over, If we’re keeping score I think we’re oh for -three And she’s using up all my water and power, And she locks herself in the bathroom for hours, I keep finding rainbow hair in my shower This rainbow horse fell through the TV, And landed on my floor, I thought I had problems, Well now I got one more, Tryna find a way to get her, Back into the TV, Until then it’s just gonna be, My rainbow horse and me Now I’m pretty sure that she can sleep on a cloud, But it seems she always chooses my couch, Letter from my landlord, in bold: no pets allowed. Now she eats like a horse and there’s no way to stop, I’ve been having trouble trying to keep my fridge stocked, She eats half the food the moment I returned from the shops. Now she’s Got-ta lot-ta fur But-there ain’t-no clothes-on her And I really don’t know about these feelings that are starting to stir. She’s got a cute round nose and deep magenta eyes, And she looks real cool when she takes to the skies, But a horse and a human? I don’t know if that’s wise. I get to work in ten seconds flat, I ride there on my rainbow horse’s back, Turns out she’s a pretty good yugioh dueler You could even say she’s-
2.
The kids in my town are getting weird, Ever since the new head librarian appeared, They’re getting extra lessons when school ends, About the magic that comes from being friends. The new librarian is a horse, And she’s checking you out, of course, She’s giving lessons to the kids, They’re gonna learn how to be much better friends. The kids in my town are getting strange, But to be honest it’s a welcome change, They’re smiling more, they’re less deadpan, Ever since the new head librarian began.
3.
There’s a horse, on the sticker, of the new apples that I’ve been buying, They’re delicious and they’re juicy, if you haven’t yet they’re well worth trying, Just look in your local store I’m sure they’ll have them by the barrel, Just look in the fruit section for the giant sign that says AJs honest apples. Pesticide free, since 1983, Free range apple trees, I fell through a tv Now I’m selling apples to you, and maybe cider too, Flavours you never knew, Everything I say is true. I read, in a pamphlet, that the colour that they have’s all natural, They’re perfect for eating raw, but also baked into a strudel, Take a bite, and another, because nothing else could hold a candle, To the taste, to the texture, to the juiciness of AJ’s honest apples.
4.
Welcome, Rarity, Thanks taking the time to sit down with me, People will of course have heard your name, From your break out smash hit fashion range. Let’s jump right in, no time to lose, Here’s the very first question I have for you, Now that you have had the chance, What’s your favourite part about making clothes for humans? Dresses that you can see the front of, Shoes that would never fit a Clydesdale, Slender fingers you could put in a glove, And pants that don’t need to accommodate a tail. Have you been here long? Do you miss your home? About four months and very much so, What’s your favourite part about the human world, Well of course that would have to be the human girls, So what’s the goss, what’s the score? What’s the next thing you’ll have in store? Darling, you know I can’t reveal that yet, But here’s a sneak peek at what you might get.
5.
Another horse fell through, I saw her on the news, Talking about the environment, She’s chained in the forest, she’s the only thing keeping it, From becoming a slab of cement. She’s chaining herself to trees, She’s giving speeches on tv, They try to shut her down but she’s not fazed. She’s shy and it’s a crutch, But I guess it it just matters that much To her to keep these critters safe. They tried to cut her free, but she wouldn’t leave, Nor would the army she’s inspired, If they can manage to stay, for just a few more days, The land clearing contract will expire.
6.
It’s been a long day in the sun. Time to have some fun, Stepping out the night’s barely begun, Off the main street and down the side, A crowd catches my eye, What could possibly be inside? In the centre of the dance floor is a bright pink horse And she’s dancing like the night will never end, I’ve never seen moves like this before, yeah she’s a tour de force, Moving in ways I can’t even comprehend In the centre of the dance floor is a bright pink horse And she’s dancing like the night will never end, In the centre of the dance floor is a bright pink horse And it seems everyone here is her friend. Now I’m dancing where I had once stood, Wouldn’t stop if I could, There’s another horse in my neighbourhood. I catch her eye and it calls me over, No time to confer, I’m dancing the night away with her. Dance with me Pinkie Let’s dance the night away, Dance with me Pinkie Let’s dance the night away.

about

Six Songs.
Six Horses.
In Real Life.

credits

released December 5, 2019

Music and Lyrics by Francis Vace
twitter.com/FrancoisVase

Album Art by ShyShyOctavia
twitter.com/ShyShyOctavia
www.deviantart.com/shyshyoctavia

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Francis Vace Brisbane, Australia

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